All comes tumbling down....

So Louise was heading out to the GC after getting her crap into her locker and going pee, and she came upon Chaz in the process of cleaning up a mess of Christmas bows that were strewn all over the floor. The giant white peg board that they had been hanging on apparently had fallen, and supposedly almost crashed upon Co-Mngr Jake. Louise couldn't help herself but laugh and make fun of Chaz as he tossed bows into a few carts. Dept Mngr Bill said that Derrick was the one who had put the peg board up and commented on the idiocy of hanging a huge peg board that would be used to hang a lot of heavy items, with only four small clear zip ties. Louise and Chaz agreed that it wasn't enough to hold it there, and then they were put to the task of hanging it back up but with plenty of zip ties. Aww the joys of fixing someone else's mistakes.... during this fun process Assistant Mngr Jane came out looking for two "volunteers" to go zone in grocery, of course neither Louise nor Chaz wanted to go, because once you go to grocery you never come back. It's like an abyss that you can never escape from. So what did Chaz do, he said to her that he and Louise had to finish what they were doing because it was a safety issue, and so the unlucky person that was sent to grocery was Lex....and boy did he whine about it. Not that he had anything to worry about he was going to be off in like an hour anyway. So Louise gave him some shit and he cussed her out in Armenian, which to her was like the teacher going "blah blah blah" to that chick on the Peanuts. How can you cuss someone out in a language they don't even know, they just stand there staring at you like you're a twit....well at least that's what Louise did...then Lex left and her and Chaz laughed. And just like every other project in the GC, Chaz and Louise made that one last a long time.

Tré: the attack of the brown bat

It was a normal day in the GC. It was cool, which was a nice change. Tré and Louise were working as usual. Watering plants, helping out customers, moving stuff around. As Louise was standing near the front doors, Tré pointed at something that was flying around the two tables that were used for indoor plants and pots.

“What is that,” he said. Louise looked over.

“I don’t know a small bird?” She speculated. Suddenly it flew at Tré and he took off running.

“Holy shit,” he squealed. Louise started laughing.

“It’s a bat!”

“No it’ not,” she said in disbelief. Louise walked over to get a better look. She saw a small brown, fuzzy thing flying low. At first she still thought it was a bird, but as it got closer, she realized Tré was right. She ducked around a table laughing. “It is a bat.”

Tré was on the other side of the building, “told you.”

Louise giggled, “you going to stay over there forever?”

“Yep,” Tré said, bobbing his head back and forth looking for the bat.

“C’mon Tré, it’s not going to bite you.”

Tré walked back over, but then took off running again when the bat flew at him again. Louise laughed hard, as she watched Tré run away from the bat like a little girl. She roared with laughter as she watched his feet fly behind him. Louise pulled her out her phone so that she could video tape it, but it had disappeared. She looked around and saw it flying towards the entrance to the main store. She followed it, but a customer came walking out and was almost struck in the head by the bat. She ran off as Louise snickered. The bat flew back to the front as Co-Manager Barb came walking out. Barb’s head was down as she text someone on her phone when Louise saw her.

“Barb, there’s a bat out here.”

“There is?” Barb asked looking around.

“Over here,” Louise pointed. Barb walked over looking for the bat. As she walked around one of the tables, she squealed and took off back the way she came. Louise laughed and Tré just kept his distance. The bat flew towards the exit door leading to the parking lot.

“Open the doors,” Louise said to Tré, he shook his head, but Louise glared at him, “just do it you baby.”

Tré moved towards the doors, and they whooshed open, the bat flew up towards the ceiling, but Tré snagged one of the brooms, and pushed it out the door. He lowered his arms and sighed deeply.

“You’re such a girl,” Louise said laughing. Tré just stood there shaking his head.

Chaz: the tale of the toothbrush

Chaz strolled out to the garden center, he saw Louise and Van. Louise gave him a hug.

“Hey Chaz, how are ya?” she asked.

Before Chaz could answer Assistant Manager Matt appeared from inside the store, he eye-balled Chaz.

“Chaz, come with me,” he motioned for Chaz to follow. Louise and Derrick both went “oooo” as he left. Chaz just flipped them off. They both laughed.

“Well we won’t be seeing him the rest of the day,” Louise said to Derrick.

Chaz followed Matt to the back room.

“I want you to sweep up the entire back room and then the small back room, by the bike shop.”

“Ok,” Chaz said. As Matt left Chaz cursed, grabbing a large green dust mop. He spent 30 minutes sweeping the large back room. Every time he swept up, someone came by and messed it back up.

“C’mon,” Chaz whined as he swept up the same area again. An hour later he was done. He took his break then headed out to the GC. Derrick was there and waved. Five minutes later another assistant manager showed up.

“Chaz, got something for you to do,” Chaz sighed, gave Derrick a look and left. “I want you to go help them out cleaning the edges of the coolers.”

“Ok,” Chaz said making his way to the frozen section. There he ran into assistant Matt, who handed him a toothbrush. “Are you serious,” Chaz asked.

“Yep, we need you to clean all the small crevasses with that tooth brush. I have some Q-tips if you have a corner that is hard to get to.”

Chaz scowled and mouthed obscenities as he plopped down onto the cold floor and began cleaning. Twenty minutes later Lex came walking by and saw him. He stopped dead in his tracks and stared.

“What!” Chaz snarled.

“Nothin’ man,” Lex said trying not to laugh. He walked off a grin on his face and headed out to the GC.

“Dude you will not believe what I just saw,” Lex said to Derrick and Louise.

“What,” they said together.

“Chaz, on the floor, cleaning the coolers with a toothbrush.”

Derrick and Louise looked at each other and then back at Lex. All three of them began to laugh hysterically.

“Oh that’s good,” Louise said, “I’m so going to start calling him Cinderella.”

“I’m just going to call him Cindy,” Lex said. They all continued to laugh as they worked.

Throughout the day Louise told other people about Chaz cleaning with a toothbrush and they all laughed.

The next day Louise saw Chaz.

“Hey Cinderella,” she said. Chaz just glared at her.

“Don’t go there,” he snarled.

Louise laughed, “what’s the matter, wicked step-mother problems?” She joked.

Chaz glared at her.

“The seven dwarves leave you to clean alone again, didn’t they,” she said laughing.

“Seriously, stop,” Chaz said.

Louise laughed more. Later that day Lex showed up for work.

“Hey Lex,” Chaz said while watering the plants on the tables near the registers.

“Sup Cindy,” he said smiling. Chaz just glared at him. “I got you something,” he pulled a small bag from his pocket. “It’s no glass slipper, but I figured you’d find a use for it.”

Chaz opened the bag and pulled out a glass toothbrush. Lex and Louise fell into each other laughing, while Chaz just stood there holding the toothbrush up, glaring at them.

Lex: The day he uttered “there’s nothing to do.”

So the other day Lex did a stupid thing, a very stupid thing, he said there was nothing to do....here's what happened:

“C’mon Lex,” Chaz whined seeing him on his phone again.

“What, there’s nothing to do,” Lex said rolling his eyes at Chaz.

Chaz just shook his head as he grabbed the dust mop and began to sweep up the floor. A few minutes later Co-Manager Jake came through the interior doors and made his way towards Chaz and Lex. Jake walked with the presence of a drill instructor.

“Hi guys, whatcha doin’?” he asked, a grin on his Derrick.

“Just sweeping up,” Chaz said looking over at Lex, who had discreetly tucked his iPhone into his pocket.

“What about you,” Jake asked looking at Lex.

“Watching the register, because there is nothing to do.”

Chaz’s eyes grew wide as his mouth dropped open. He couldn’t believe what he just heard. Co-Manager Jake just grinned.

“Nothing to do?” he asked, “Well I am sure I can find something for you to do.” Jake looked around and then pointed at the base of the registers. “Right there, I want you to get some lime away from produce, and scrub that rust off.” Jake had crossed his arms and was watching Lex. Chaz tried not to laugh as he watched Lex’s face drop.

“Seriously,” Lex said the baby within him beginning to sniffle. Just then Louise came walking out and saw them.

“Hey guys, hello Jake,” she said watching them.

“Make sure it gets done because I can pull the video and see if you actually did it.” Jake smiled.

“Oh yea,” Lex teased, “don’t worry I’ll get it done.” Jake smiled and walked off and back into the store.

“Why the fuck would you say some stupid shit like that?” Chaz said looking at him perplexed.

“I don’t know man, I don’t know.”

Louise looked at them confused, “said what?”

“Lex here said right in front of Jake ‘there’s nothing to do’”

“Why’d you say something like that to of all people?” She asked.

Lex just shook his head, “I’m going to get the lime stuff.”

Louise started to laugh and Chaz couldn’t hold it back any longer. He busted up, doubling over with laughter. The sight of Lex’s face made it worse and he struggled to breath.

“You both suck,” he said as he walked off. Chaz and Louise continued to laugh. Catching her breath, Louise leaned against the black metal bars that separated the carts from the registers.

“I think he’s lost his mind.”

“No doubt,” Louise said. Fifteen minutes later Lex returned carrying several packets of lime away. He tossed them onto one of the registers.

“What am I supposed to do with these?”

Louise snickered, “you can put it in one of the yellow mop buckets and fill it with water.”

Lex sighed and walked over to where they stored the mops and buckets. Pulling out a mop he dragged the yellow bucket outside, filling it with water and mixing in the powdered lime away. Pulling inside he dropped the mop head into the water. He scowled at Louise and Chaz as they snickered, hitting each other trying not to laugh out loud.

“You guys could help,” he said pulling the mop out and beginning to clean.

“Nope, we weren’t the one who was dumb enough to say what you said,” Chaz said.

“I’m supervising,” Louise said crossing her arms and leaning against the back of a register.

Lex cursed them both, and they just laughed. Ten minutes later Lex was on his knees, scrubbing the corner of a register. His ass, legs and feet were all you could see.

“Oh this is a moment,” Louise said as she pulled out her phone and snapped a picture, “oh yea, that’s going on my facebook.” She sent the picture to her album and snorted laughing.

“Seriously,” Lex said to her, rolling his eyes, “fuck you guys.”

“No you fucked yourself,” Chaz roared.

Later that night after Lex had gone home; Louise had noticed a comment on the picture of Lex. It was made by Lex, it read, “I hate my life.” Louise laughed, and commented back with, “lol, Bitch Work.”

The Garden Center

I have to tell you about the garden center, because that is where a lot of the fun happens. 

The Garden Center is the haven for mischief and fun. It is excluded, unintentionally, from the rest of Smallmart. Because it is so far from the rest of the store, and is separated by a wall, it feels like it is its own “territory”. Due to this the employees in the Garden Center tend to work with less “stress” and don’t have “eyes” on them at all times. This can be a blessing and a curse all at once. A blessing because they are free to work at their own Derrick without the worries of managers always getting in the way, but it’s a curse, because most of the time the employees tend to slack off. Oh they get their work done; they just don’t do it at the Derrick management would want them too. But that is the vibe of the GC as they call it. There are many characters in the GC.

We’ve got Tré, tall, dark and a head full of dreads, he‘s the DJ of the group. Then there is Chaz, with a whole lotta love to go around, he’s the teddy bear. There’s Lex, the baby of the group, his iPhone always attached to his hand. He does work; sometimes…for the most part he’s the one that Louise picks on all the time, she can’t help the fact that he’s got a huge nose. There’s Louise, the white girl with the imagination and the flirty personality that everyone loves. They all agree that if she wasn’t there the Derrick would be boring as hell. And last but not least is Delia and Derrick, the on-again, off-again couple…they are currently on-again. Don’t try to understand it, Louise sure has given up. To her their relationship is toxic, but hey they are young and will someday figure it all out….though Louise has no faith in that, she’s 29 and still hasn’t figured out the basics of love. There are a few others who work in the GC, but they don’t play as big of a part in the following stories, because they actually do their job the way it’s supposed to be done, and well let’s just say all the cool shit happens to six people I just mentioned.

The Garden Center is pretty much outside, just with a covering. It’s like a giant tin can that during the summer heats up like an oven, and during the winter is as cold as Alaska…ok, maybe not as Alaska, but hey I’m from California, and that’s how it feels to me. There are two patios; the large one is where they keep all the dirt, stones, and other miscellaneous large things. The smaller patio is where most of the plants are kept during the spring, summer and early fall, then the live trees go there for Christmas. There are four registers at the front near the main entrances from the parking lot, and that is where most of the antics are played out. If you ask anyone, they will say that they would rather be in the Garden Center because it is so much more laid back. I don’t know if that is a good thing, because I’ll tell you this, those who currently work there don’t want anyone else to work there, because then it’ll get too crowded.

Management will come out there on occasion, but not very often. During the summer time you’re lucky to see them come out there more than once. Can’t blame them, who wants to be in Hell…which is what it’s like during the summer. So what else can I tell you about the Garden Center, not a whole lot just that everyone enjoys being out there, and well it's a great hiding place.